HEARTS WILL BE ACHING
by QueenOfTheCastle1021
Summary: This is my take on a possible ending to Season Two, based somewhat on what we know of what's to come and the rest based on my imagination and how I would have ended it myself. NOW FULLY COMPLETE! All chapters have been posted!
1. SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

CHAPTER ONE – SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

The sounds of the city wafted in through the open in window in Castle's study. It was a typical spring night in New York, a subtle breeze swirling through the room while the author sat in his chair, legs extended and propped up on his desk and his laptop open on his lap. Rick stared at the blank screen, fingers resting on top of the keys as if willing them to type something, anything. He had had writer's block before, but never this badly. He needed something to inspire him, get him writing like he used to.

He glanced over at his desk and reached for his cell phone, bringing up the first number that came to mind. He paused as he stared at Beckett's number before hitting the end button and putting his phone down, turning back to his empty screen and sighing deeply.

Beckett sat at her desk, always one of the last to leave the precinct. She stared intently at the murder board, looking over the details of their latest case. Normally she would be focused on the information in front of her as she tried to find a clue that they had overlooked. This time, she just stared blankly at it, other matters on her mind.

Kate knew she had a lot going for her right now; her team had been on a roll solving cases lately and her relationship with Tom had been going great so far. Yet something weighed on her mind still and she could not quite figure out what it was. Even though she knew she should be happy with the way her life was finally headed in the right direction, she still had an odd feeling of emptiness resting deep within her.

She needed to distract herself from these thoughts before they consumed her. She pulled out her phone and started to dial Castle's number, knowing he would still be awake and might be up for a late-night burger. Before she could dial the number, though, she thought better of it and put her phone away again. She sighed in frustration and grabbed her stuff, ready to head home. Maybe a long bath and a good book would be enough to take her mind off of things.


	2. SUMMER VACATION

CHAPTER TWO – SUMMER VACATION

"Dad! Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?" Alexis called out in pure excitement as she came running down the stairs and towards Castle's study.

Rick woke with a start. Had he really fallen asleep at his desk last night? He wiped the sleep from his eyes as Alexis bounced into the study, hands behind her back.

"Were you up all night writing again, Dad?" Alexis asked her father, a glowing smile on her face.

Castle looked up at his laptop. Still blank. He closed it quickly. "You know how I am, once I start, I just can't stop."

Rick looked at his daughter, somewhat puzzled before asking, "Shouldn't you be at school by now, young lady? What time is it?"

"It's ten o'clock, and no, no school yet. I have my last exam this afternoon." Alexis was still grinning, telling Castle that his daughter had something more to tell him. That and the fact that she was still clearly hiding something behind her back.

"So what's going on, kiddo?" There was something about her innocent smile that made him smile too. He loved seeing his daughter this happy, especially when he hadn't had a reason to smile like that himself for a while now.

"Yes, do tell!" Martha interrupted as she sauntered into the study. Even though she had moved out a while ago, she still managed to be there at just the right moment.

"My guidance councillor called today. I got an invitation from Oxford to attend a summer tour of the campus!" Alexis pulled a brochure out from behind her back and flashed it towards her father and grandmother.

Castle looked on as Martha congratulated the excited young girl with a huge hug. As two of his favourite women revelled in the moment, all he could do was think about losing his daughter for however long this tour would last for.

Finally, he spoke up, "Honey, that's great, really is it…"

"Richard, please don't ruin this with a 'but'…" Martha cut in.

Alexis sat beside her father as she showed him the brochure, trying her best to convince him to let her attend. "Dad, it's a great chance for me to see the school and talk to the students there and get a feel for whether or not it's where I really want to go. Plus, it's only for a month, so I'll be home for the rest of the summer."

"I know, kiddo, it's just the thought of sending my teenaged daughter away unsupervised for any amount of time… and it's pretty much always raining there… you hate the rain. So really, I'm just looking out for you." Castle tried to sound convincing.

"It's a fully supervised, sanctioned trip, Dad. All of the private schools in the state are organizing the visit." Alexis stated. "And you know, you could always sign up as one of our chaperones!" All she had to do was smile with that glowing grin and Castle's heart absolutely melted.

"That sounds like a great idea, son, you could use a vacation anyways." Martha was doing her part to help out her granddaughter.

Rick nodded in defeat. "Fine, you can go…"

Alexis and Martha both squealed in excitement. "What about you, Dad?"

"Oh, honey, I don't know. As much as I'd love to spend a month with you oversees, I just have a lot going on. I have to finish my novel, I have cases to solve…" Castle paused as he thought about the real reason he was tentative about leaving right now.

Alexis looked at him, slightly puzzled. "Well, just tell me you'll think about it."

"Of course I will, kiddo. Now, go study for that last exam!" Castle watched as his daughter bounced back out of his study and up the stairs to her room.

"Okay, what's wrong, Richard?" Martha could always tell when something was on her son's mind.

Before he could respond, the familiar ringing of his phone interrupted. Castle answered quickly, saved by the bell. He hung up just as fast and rose from his chair.

"Sorry, mother, duty calls." Rick flew out of the room, grabbing his keys and heading out of the apartment as Martha looked on, shaking her head at the stubbornness that she knew he inherited from her.


	3. ONE CASE CLOSED, BUT A NEW ONE BEGINS

CHAPTER THREE – ONE CASE CLOSED, BUT A NEW ONE BEGINS

Castle made his way through the precinct bullpen towards the familiar desk. There was something about this place that felt like his home away from home. He wondered how he would feel not having this place to come to every day.

He looked up and saw Beckett sitting at her usual chair, focused intently on the paperwork in front of her. He unconsciously smiled as he realized that she probably had more to do with the feeling of being home here than he ever would have admitted.

He picked up the pace and sat down at the chair beside her desk. "So, what's the big news?"

Kate looked up at him and smiled, "We got him," she responded with that confident glint in her eye that she always got when a case was about to be wrapped up.

"Mancinni? How'd we get him?" Castle asked, surprised that they had been able to find enough evidence to finally bring him in after trying so hard for days to close the case.

"Brooks caved on him, made a deal to sell him out. Turns out he had more than enough info on him to put him away for a very long time. Ryan and Esposito are bringing him in now." Beckett grinned again.

"Well, when we're all wrapped up here, how 'bout we celebrate? Dinner, drinks, maybe some late-night festivities?" He raised his eyebrow with his last suggestive comment.

Beckett let out a chuckle. He always could make her laugh. "Sure, Castle. Except for that last part, of course."

"Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask…" Rick and Kate both smiled and laughed at their familiar banter. Castle again wondered how he would feel not sharing these simple moments with her every day and did not like the feeling it gave him.

Beckett studied the ponderous look on Castle's face. Sometimes she wished she knew what he was thinking or what stories he was spinning in his mind. "Do you want to grab a coffee while we're waiting for the guys to bring in Mancinni?" She asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

Without having to answer, Castle rose from his chair, offering his arm to Beckett as she rose from hers. Just as they turned to make their way to the break room, they were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"So I hear congratulations are in order." Demming approached from the bullpen, smiling as he locked eyes with Kate.

Castle watched as Beckett immediately returned the warm gaze back at Demming and smiled, "Yeah, we finally got him. Mancinni's going away for a long time with this one. How'd you hear about it already?" Kate broke away from Castle, not noticing the slight pout on his face when she did.

"Good news travels fast around here, I guess." Demming moved closer to Beckett and placed a hand on the small of her back as the three of them walked towards the break room together.

Castle watched as the other two entered the break room before him. He could not help but notice how happy Kate looked at this very moment, and the thought that Demming was a vital part of that stung him. He had never felt like this before and still hadn't quite figured out how to deal with these new emotions.

Tom handed Rick a cup of coffee as he entered the break room. "So maybe we should go somewhere to celebrate tonight?" he asked Kate.

Beckett looked at Castle, her smile fading slightly when she saw the look on his face. "Castle and I were just talking about that, actually." Her smile returned as she came up with an idea. "Maybe we can all go together, invite Lanie and the guys out too? It could be fun" she offered.

Tom responded to her first. "That would be great. Unless you had something else planned, just the two of you?" he asked, looking at Castle.

"Not at all, a group celebration sounds perfect." He was impressed at how well he could fake enthusiasm. Maybe his poker face really was that good.

Kate smiled, "Great, I'll ask Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie to join us. We'll meet up here later on, let's say eight o'clock?"

Both men nodded in agreement. Castle's phone began to ring, breaking the silence. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down at the screen. A sneer spread across his face, prompting Beckett to look at him puzzled. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Some people get their 'callings' from God, I get mine from the devil…" he spun away from the couple before answering. "Gina, what can I do for you? Give you half of everything I have… oh wait, I've already done that…"

Demming laughed as Castle walked away on his phone. Kate looked on with concern. Tom looked back at her and studied her expression. Beckett broke away from him when she saw Ryan and Esposito wave her over to them as they entered the bullpen.

"Sorry, I've gotta go…" Beckett turned her attention back to Demming and smiled. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah, I can't wait," he replied, that charming look on his face. He leaned down to give her a quick kiss but she broke away before he had a chance to. He watched her as she glanced over towards Castle, still on his phone, before making her way over to Ryan and Esposito to go close her case. Demming looked over at Castle with a worried look on his face. He shook his head as if to rid himself of his concerned thoughts and made his way out of the bullpen.


	4. UNFINISHED BUSINESS

CHAPTER FOUR – UNFINISHED BUSINESS

Castle unlocked the door to his apartment and shuddered when he saw the leggy blonde waiting for him on one of his bar stools in the kitchen.

"Now, call me crazy, but when you got the house in our divorce, that didn't come with keys to my apartment, did it?" Castle asked, dryly.

"Your daughter let me in, Richard" she retorted. Gina rose from her seat and started towards Castle's study. "I wanted to check in and see how far along you are with the next book."

Castle followed her as she entered the study, heading for his desk. "I told you already today when you called, Gina, I know I'm a little behind schedule, but I'm nearly done. Just a couple of things to polish up and it's all yours." He thought he sounded convincing.

"Sorry, Richard, I just didn't believe you, so I thought I'd come see it for myself" she said as she sat down at his desk.

"I'm appalled" he said as he sarcastically clutched his heart. "Would I lie to you?"

Gina glared at him, "Till death do us part?" she snickered with a wry grin on her face.

Rick shrugged innocently. "Well, in my defence, when they tell you it's for better or worse, they don't really tell you how bad the 'worse' part could be…"

Gina interrupted his sarcastic reply by opening his laptop, the heading 'Chapter Two' at the top of a blank page. "Is _this_ what you consider 'nearly done'?"

Rick lowered his eyes, knowing this would not end well. "Gina, look, I've just been a little blocked lately. A lot has been going on…"

"Richard, you've been following this woman around for a year and a half now. You've worked dozens of cases, you should have plenty of material for your next three novels, let alone just this one." She studied his expression as she continued, "So what is it really?"

Castle conceded, knowing he couldn't talk his way out of this one. "It's not the case I'm confused about, it's the subplot. I'm just not sure where the story is going. You know me, Gina, without a good ending, it's hard to write the rest."

His ex-wife may have been one of the coldest women he'd met, but she had her moments. She knew him well, and she could tell from the look on his face that there was much more to what he was saying. "She must be something special if she's got you spinning like this. I've seen you with a lot of women, Richard, but I've never seen one that's had this effect on you."

Rick looked at Gina, almost thanking her for not making this awkward for him. "She's with someone else… another detective… I'm just not sure how to handle that." He felt better being able to talk to someone about this.

"Is it serious?" She pressed him for more details, hoping it would help.

"I don't know. At first, it just nagged at me. Now, I can't even stand to see her with him. I'm not used to feeling like this…" he started.

"I meant, is it serious between her and this other cop?" Gina laughed.

"Oh" he said, blushing slightly at his mistake. Then he turned serious again. "I'm not sure. But she seems happy…" he trailed off.

"Richard, you're not going to like what I have to say, but I think maybe you just need to step back for a while. Take some time away, give her some space to see if she has a chance to make things work with this guy, and stop torturing yourself by having to watch that process." She studied his expression as he considered what she was saying before she continued. "As for your book; it's _your_ story, Richard, _your_ characters. If you think they really belong together, write it that way. Maybe it will help you come to terms with everything."

Rick looked at Gina and smiled. She was a good publicist and she could sell anything. Heck, she even had him believing that this was the right thing to do. "Thanks, Gina."

Shrugging off the tender moment, she rose from the desk and sauntered off towards the front door of Castle's apartment. "Don't thank me yet, Richard, I still expect the first draft of the new book on my desk in two weeks!"

Rick shook his head as she stormed out the front door. Still, maybe she was right. He picked up his phone and dialled Beckett's number. "Hey, it's me… Listen, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it tonight... Yeah, something's come up... No, no, you guys have a good time tonight… Yeah, I'll see you in the morning."

As he hung up, he looked back down at his phone, pondering for a moment before he dialled another number. "Hey, it's Rick. Are you busy?"


	5. A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

CHAPTER FIVE – A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

Detective Beckett sat on an examination table eating her take-out dinner while Lanie worked away at another table in the morgue. A keen attention to detail was something Lanie prided herself on; it made her the best at what she did for a living. It came in handy now, as she noticed the distraction written all over her best friend's face.

"So what aren't you telling me, girl? What's on your mind?" Lanie asked, knowing it would take much more than a direct question to get Kate to open up.

Beckett looked at her friend, trying to mask whatever it was that had given her away. "Why do you assume something's wrong?"

Lanie replied, "Most people would find a more suitable place to have their dinner than a morgue. That tells me you're here for a reason, so spill already."

Kate tried to laugh it off, trying and failing to convince Lanie that she was fine. "Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with you, so if I have to come down here to do that, why wouldn't I?"

Lanie raised an eyebrow, questioning her friend further. "As much as I appreciate your wanting to spend time with me, I can tell there's more to it than that." Beckett looked down at her dinner, trying to avoid Lanie's gaze. "So you can either tell me what's wrong or I can beat it out of you…" Lanie laughed.

Kate responded with a sincere tone in her voice. "I don't really know. I can't figure it out, Lanie, I just feel lost lately."

The M.E. stopped what she was doing and turned her full attention over to the detective. "I've known you a long time, Kate, and for all of these years I could understand why you walked around with the weight of the world on your shoulders."

Beckett looked up at her friend as she continued, "But you should be on top of that world right now, girl. You're the toast of the precinct – our real-life rock star – a bestseller based on you, three more on the way, and a movie in the works. You've been solving cases faster than anyone else in the city. And you've got a great new guy by your side. So what's got you so down?"

Kate's brow furrowed as she considered what Lanie was saying, still not sure of how to answer her. "I know, you're right. And Tom's great. He's basically the perfect guy for me, everything I've always wanted…." She trailed off, deep in thought.

Lanie started to clue in, but she knew she had to let her friend come to her own conclusions. If she told her what she thought, if she pushed too hard, Kate would only resist harder. All she could offer was a simple thought, "But maybe he's not the _one_ you've always wanted?"

Beckett looked back at her friend, slightly puzzled by what she had just said. The familiar ringing of her phone interrupted her before she could respond. "Beckett," she answered. "Hi Castle, everyone's in for tonight. Even the Captain is going to join us… Oh, okay. Is everything alright?... Well, can I help in any way?... Sure thing. Are you still coming in tomorrow?... Yeah, see you then."

Kate hung up the phone, the disappointment on her face showing just enough for Lanie to notice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, that was Castle. Something came up, so he can't make it tonight" she responded.

Before Lanie could pry any further, Kate pushed herself off of the table. "I'll let you get back to work, though, or you'll have to back out too" she joked as she forced a smile.

"Hey, I wouldn't miss it, girl. I'll see you tonight" Lanie replied.

Beckett nodded as she made her way out of the morgue, her best friend looking on with concern. Lanie knew Kate would figure out the truth sooner or later, she was just hoping it would be more on the 'sooner' side.


	6. QUEEN OF HEARTS

CHAPTER SIX – QUEEN OF HEARTS

Familiar laughter erupted from Castle's apartment. Rick shook his head as James collected his winnings, pulling a large pile of poker chips towards himself.

"You know, Castle, for someone who makes up stories for a living, you suck at bluffing!" Stephen joked as James and Michael laughed along.

"Thanks, Cannell, I'm so glad I invited you guys over…" Rick shot back, sarcastically.

"Speaking of which, not that we don't love our poker nights, Ricky, but why the impromptu one tonight?" James asked, pressing his friend for details. "Your bet, Connelly…"

"I'll fold," Michael said, shaking his head.

Castle furrowed his brow, trying to avoid James' question. "Do I need a reason to invite you guys over?" He faked a smile, "Other than to take your money, of course."

Rick threw some chips into the pot. Stephen followed suit and looked over at James, "You in or out, Patterson?"

James looked at his cards. "I'll raise" he said as he threw more chips into the pot. He looked over at Castle.

Rick just stared down towards his cards, but it was obvious he wasn't really looking at them. Stephen tried to get his attention, "Seriously, Rick, I've seen that look before. What's going on, problem with a case again?"

Castle shook himself out of his daze. "No, we solved a big one today. Nothing new yet."

"So what is it, Castle? Story troubles?" Michael pressed.

Rick looked up but avoided his friends' eyes, worried they would see right through him. "Sort of. I'm just not sure about this subplot and where it's going. Or not going, for that matter…" he trailed off.

James looked at Castle, "Why don't you tell us what the problem is. Maybe we can help, Ricky. You know, bounce some ideas around with you."

Castle looked around the table, the three other authors all nodding in approval. He put his cards down on the table while he began, "Alright, so in this next book, Nikki and Rook start getting closer…"

Michael laughed, "From what I remember, didn't they already get pretty damn _close_ in your last book?" he asked, suggestively.

The others chuckled as Rick glared at him. "That's not what I meant, Connelly." He paused slightly, looking back down again before continuing, "I mean really close. Like in a meaningful way. Partners, maybe in more ways than one." He shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts. "They start working this case, a tough one, so the Captain sends over a guy from another department to help them out. Nikki and this other cop hit it off, like instant connection, you know? And it hits Rook like a ton of bricks; he can't stand seeing her with this guy. Not because he's not a good guy, not because he's being protective, just because maybe somewhere in the back of his mind, he always thought _he'd_ be that guy someday. It kills him… and she doesn't even have a clue…" He trailed off, a sadness waving over him.

James broke the silence, "Rick, be honest. Is this really about your book, or about your life?" He studied the look on Castle's face as he sat in silence. "You've fallen for your muse, haven't you?"

The other writers focused their attention on Castle as he stared down at the table. "I've never felt this way before. But what can I do? She's with someone else. She's happy. And as much as I want to be the guy who makes her feel that way, I also don't want to be the guy who takes it away from her."

"So you're just going to give up, Castle?" Stephen asked, sounding somewhat stunned.

"That doesn't seem like the Rick we know…" Michael chimed in.

James added, "Yeah, Ricky, I've never known you to give up on something you've set your mind to. If you want something, you usually don't stop until you've got it, no matter what it takes."

With his gaze still focused on the table, Rick replied, "But it's not about what I want. It's about her… what _she_ wants… what she _needs_…"

James interrupted him. "Well, what if that's you? What if you can give her everything she wants and needs and deserves. You'll never know for sure unless you give it a shot."

Stephen added, "Go for it, Castle. Fight for her. Prove to her that you're the guy for her. You don't want to miss your chance, do you?"

"She must be pretty great if she has you spun like this…" Michael pressed.

Castle finally looked up at his friends, a smile slowly starting on his face as he remembered the line that first hooked him when he had just recently met Kate. "You have no idea…"

James laughed. "So what are you still doing here with us?"

Castle looked at his watch and noticed it was a quarter to eight. If he hurried, he could still make it to the precinct before everyone left for their night out. He jumped out of his chair, grabbed his keys, and headed to the door. "Thanks guys, I owe you!"

As he opened the front door to leave, he turned back, a smile now beaming across his face. "Oh, and don't drink all of my whiskey…"

Castle bustled out of his apartment, leaving his fellow writers chuckling and shaking their heads at their friend.


	7. DECISIONS

**Note: Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed the story so far! You guys are all great and I thank you for your encouragement!! There's still a few chapters left to go here, so without further adieu, here's Chapter Seven…**

CHAPTER SEVEN – DECISIONS

Castle burst into the precinct, glancing quickly at his watch again. He had made it with time to spare, so he slowed down to catch his breath. As he made his way through the bullpen, he spotted Beckett alone in the break room. He stopped in his tracks, an immediate smile spreading across his face.

Suddenly and without warning, Castle got a feeling he had never felt; butterflies. He had run through this scenario in his head the entire way here, so sure of what he would say and do when he saw her. Now, he was frozen there, unable to do anything but watch her and wonder what she would say or do. As unsure as he felt at this very moment, it was oddly exhilarating at the same time. He loved the fact that she had this type of effect on him.

He took a deep breath, as if summoning all of his courage for what he knew would be a life-changing moment, and took a step towards her.

Before he could get very far, he noticed someone else move in the break room. Demming. _Of course_, Castle thought to himself. He must have been sitting down the whole time, just out of sight. Rick stopped and watched as Demming gently pulled Beckett towards him. He studied the look on her face as she locked eyes with Tom and he leaned in and kissed her. It was short but sweet from what he could tell, the very sight of them together like that sending a sharp pain through his chest. Demming moved to the side of Beckett, both now leaning against the coffee bar. Tom put his arm around Kate and she leaned into him. The smile on her face would have normally brought a similar smile to Castle's, but at this moment, knowing he wasn't the one making her feel that way, it just dug the knife a little deeper inside of him.

All of his doubts and fears came crashing back, hitting him like a ton of bricks. She was happy, that much he knew. He could go in there right now, tell her how he felt, how he had fallen for her harder than he ever thought possible, that she was everything he had ever wanted and all that he needed. But what if none of that mattered to her? What if she didn't share those feelings? Or worse, what if she already had those feelings for Demming? What if all it did was ruin their friendship and their partnership? He couldn't stand the thought of losing her completely. Then again, what if she did have those same feelings for him? What if she had just been waiting for him to make the first move, unsure of his feelings? What if he could have her in his life, in all parts of his life?

Castle wrestled with the conflicting thoughts in his head. He looked back over at Beckett one more time, as if just looking at her would give him the answers to his questions. Maybe, in some strange way, it actually did. Castle realized he already knew the answers, and he knew what he had to do.

Rick walked over to the Captain's office and quietly opened the door. "Do you have a minute?"

Castle was waved in and took one last look back at the break room, at Kate, before closing the door behind him.


	8. THE ANNOUNCEMENT

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE ANNOUNCEMENT

The gang gathered around Beckett's desk the next morning, signs of their late-night of celebrating evident on their faces. Beckett and Lanie sat at the desk, Demming perched partially on the edge of the desk, and Ryan and Esposito crowded around them.

"I can't believe how much I drank last night…" Ryan started off.

Esposito laughed, punching Ryan lightly in the arm as he joked, "Man, I can't believe Beckett drank you under the table! Sad, partner, sad!"

Everyone laughed as Beckett shrugged. "What can I say?" she smirked.

"Girl, you must have been a hero at frat parties in college!" Lanie surmised.

Demming chimed in, "If I had known you homicide guys had all the fun, I would have thought twice about joining the robbery department!"

The gang continued to laugh and share stories about the night before as Castle entered the bullpen. He watched for a minute before approaching the group, the solemn look on his face a stark contrast to the laughter radiating from them.

"Castle! We missed you last night, partner." Ryan said as Castle joined the gang.

"Really, man, how could you miss out on that? What could have possibly been more important than seeing Ryan here stumbling around like a drunken fool?" Esposito asked.

Beckett was the only one who seemed to notice the serious look on Rick's face, a look that took the wind right out of her. "Is everything alright, Castle?"

The others looked over at him, their faces turning serious when he hesitated to answer. "I have some news…" he started. Demming moved off of the desk and stood up, giving Castle his full attention, as did the others.

"I've decided to take some time off." He looked quickly at Beckett, who seemed a little more taken aback that he would have thought. He looked down at the desk, avoiding her stare as he continued, "Just for the summer. Alexis wants to tour Oxford University in England, so I thought I would join her. We're going to travel around after, see some of her favourite places in Europe."

"You're kidding…" Ryan said, hopefully that the answer would be yes.

"Yeah, you're seriously leaving us, bro?" questioned Esposito.

Lanie glanced over at Kate, judging her friend's reaction to this news. Beckett sat there, motionless, still staring at Castle in disbelief. Lanie was pretty sure she knew what had prompted this sudden decision from Rick, but she pressed him for an answer anyways, returning her attention back to him as she asked in a joking tone, "So why the sudden desire to see the world, Castle, dead bodies and shady criminals not enough for you anymore?"

Castle finally looked up at his colleagues, as if trying to reassure them. "You know it's not like that, Lanie. But it's a great chance for me to spend some much-needed quality time with Alexis, plus I'll have plenty of free time to finish my second Nikki Heat novel while she's touring around the school." He continued to avoid looking over at Beckett, knowing he couldn't look her in the eyes without giving away how much this was killing him inside.

Kate still hadn't said a word yet. She just sat there, looking down at her desk, trying to control the overwhelming emotions that were starting to surface inside if her. Demming noticed, moving closer to put a hand on her arm, as if reassuring her, not knowing that this was far more than sadness over losing a member of her team.

Lanie studied the look on her friend's face before turning towards Castle, noticing that he glanced over towards Kate when Demming moved closer to her. She shook her head, wondering if they would ever figure out what she'd known this entire time.

Tom finally broke the silence, "Well, it sounds like the perfect way to spend your summer. I have to admit, I'm a little jealous" he joked.

Ryan continued, "For sure, you'll be spending your summer seeing the sights while we dig through garbage bins looking for evidence! Still, I hope you have a great time!"

"Yeah, bro, we're gonna miss you around here, though." Esposito added.

Lanie put her two cents in, "It definitely won't be the same around here without you, Castle."

Castle looked over at Beckett, waiting for her to respond in turn. She looked back at him and knew she couldn't show him how hard it was to speak. She swallowed back her emotions and replied, "They're right, but you deserve some time off to spend with your daughter, so I hope you have a great trip."

Kate looked away while another thought crossed her mind. She hesitated, gathering her courage before asking, "When do you leave?"

Rick never broke eye contact with her before he replied, "Tomorrow."

His answer knocked the wind out of Beckett again. She looked away, knowing she couldn't let him see her reaction.

"We fly out at nine." Castle continued.

Ryan places a hand on Castle's back. "How 'bout one last guys' night tonight?"

"Yeah, send you off in style!" Esposito added.

"Sound perfect." Castle smiled at his partners before turning his gaze back to Kate, who was still looking down at her desk. "Well, detective," he started. Beckett looked back at him as he continued, "I guess you're relieved of your babysitting duties for a few months, so you're kind of getting a summer vacation too." He tried to make it sound as light-hearted as possible, hoping she wouldn't see through him.

Kate faked a smile, trying her best to go along with the joke. "Yeah, I can see why parents send their kids away to summer camp now."

Rick turned next to Demming, trying to keep the humour going. "Normally, I'd tell you to look after this one," he said, gesturing to Beckett, "but by now it's obvious she can take care of herself."

Castle extended his hand towards Demming. The two shared a handshake as if they were old friends. He looked over at Beckett as he continued, "Seriously, though, you're a very luck man. I hope you know that."

Beckett and Castle locked eyes, his comment nearly bringing tears to her eyes.

Castle broke the silence. "Well, I have a lot to do still, so I should get going."

Beckett heard nothing else as so many conflicting thoughts clouded her mind. She watched, unable to move, as Castle said his goodbyes and walked slowly out of the bullpen. She was no stranger to pain, but there was a sharp, deep hurt that came over her, one that she hadn't felt in a very long time. She swallowed hard to keep the tears from showing on her face and did her best to compose herself as she watched Castle round the corner and disappear.


	9. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

**NOTE: Thanks again to everyone who has read and reviewed, you guys are all amazing!! This is the first of the last four chapters (it was supposed to be three, but I had to add an extra one in as I was writing them), so I'm hoping to have them all up by the end of this week! To kick it off, here's Chapter Nine…**

CHAPTER NINE – TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

The sounds of the busy restaurant surrounded Beckett and Demming. Despite the sights and chatter around them, Beckett was withdrawn into her own mind, not paying attention to anything but the thoughts swarming her head.

"Kate?" Tom's voice snapped her out of her daze.

She stopped shifting her food around her plate and looked up at Demming, his usual charming smile masking the concern that had been growing in him.

"Sorry," she responded. "You were saying?"

Demming put down his fork and sat back in his chair. "You seem distracted tonight. Normally, I'd assume it was a case that's got your mind spinning, but I know you don't have anything on the go…"

"I'm so sorry, Tom…" she started.

"Kate, you don't need to apologize." He replied, sincerely. "Just talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

Beckett looked up at Demming, such genuine concern in his eyes. "It's okay, I don't want to ruin tonight by talking about my problems…" she explained, part of her touched by his kindness and part of her hoping he would leave this alone.

He leaned towards her with another charming smile spreading across his face before he continued. "If you haven't noticed by now, Kate, I really like you."

She smiled back at him, wondering how she could possibly be holding back with him when he was just so great to her.

"If something's bothering you, I want to be the guy you can talk to about it." He pressed.

Beckett shook her head, as if trying to rid herself of the conflict in her mind. "Really, Tom, it's nothing. Just a tough day, I guess."

Demming studied the look on her face as she withdrew back into her head again. He leaned back again in his chair before asking, "It's Castle, isn't it?"

Beckett quickly looked up at him, completely thrown off by his question. She opened her mouth to answer him, but she couldn't find the words.

"It's okay, Kate, I get it." Demming offered, prompting a concerned look to appear on Beckett's face. He leaned forward again as he continued, "I know he's not a real cop and I know he gets on your nerves sometimes, but at the end of the day, he's an important part of your team."

Beckett's concern turned into relief. Her sarcasm took over, as if trying to convince herself more than Demming as she continued, "He's also an overgrown child, can't take anything seriously, and never listens to instructions."

Tom laughed, "Sure, but for better or worse, he's still essentially your partner..."

Those words seemed to strike a chord deep in Kate as she lowered her gaze in thought and let a smile come over her. "Yeah, I guess he is."

"And now he's leaving…" Demming continued, carefully watching Beckett's reaction. Her brow furrowed and she swallowed hard. "I know that can't be easy. Change never is. But it's only for a few months. He'll be back."

Beckett could almost feel him staring at her. She forced a smile, hoping he couldn't tell how much this was hurting her before she looked up. "You're right, Tom. Maybe it's just the suddenness of it that's got me thrown off, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's all it is" he started. Maybe he was trying to convince her a little bit now. He reached across the table to place his hand over hers. "But you know, if you ever need help on a case, I'm all in."

Kate examined Tom's expression. His smile was genuine and the care in his eyes was sincere as well. She smiled. She considered for a moment that she'd have to be crazy to let this guy go. "Have I told you how incredible you are?" she laughed before continuing, "And probably way too good to me."

Tom smiled that charming smile of his. "Maybe, but what can I say, Kate? The heart wants what the heart wants."

Kate almost winced at those words, thinking carefully before slowly rising from her chair. "I'm so sorry, Tom, but I forgot I still had some paperwork to finish up tonight. Do you mind if I take off?"

"Not at all, I know how it is." He tried not to let his disappointment show. "Do you want some company?" he asked, hopefully, as he rose from his chair.

"I'll probably get it done faster if I can give it my undivided attention." She said, avoiding his eyes. "But thank you."

Demming leaned in and kissed Beckett. "Well, have a good night."

Beckett grabbed her bag and faked another smile. "Yeah, you too. And thanks again."

Tom sat down and leaned back against his seat, watching Kate walk away. He sighed, wondering if he was just paranoid or if there was more to what was on her mind than she would admit.


	10. REVELATIONS

CHAPTER TEN – REVELATIONS

Beckett sat at her desk, staring at the file in front of her. Despite her distractions, she had been able to finish her paperwork within the hour. She knew she didn't have much left, that she could have easily finished it off the next morning. So why had she excused herself from her night out with Tom to come back here tonight to get it done?

She had realized weeks ago that her feelings for Castle extended far deeper than just friendship or partners, but she also knew she couldn't waste her time chasing after a guy that would never be able to go the distance. She thought she had gotten past that, that she had moved on and put her feelings behind her. So why did the thought of him leaving hurt her so deeply still?

Kate's brow furrowed as she thought about Tom. He was the perfect guy for her; charming yet sweet, a fellow detective who can understand her dedication to her work and not be threatened by it, the type of guy who seemed like he would never hurt her or let her down. She dared to consider that he was exactly the type of guy who could be her 'one and done.' So what was holding her back?

Beckett shook her head in frustration. She despised feeling like this, so helpless and so confused. She prided herself on having things together, of being in full control of her feelings, so she recognized how much of a struggle this was for her.

She leaned back in her chair and opened her desk drawer, hoping for a distraction. She smiled when she saw the book, _his_ book. She pulled out her copy of 'Heat Wave' and took a deep breath before opening it. She read the dedication in the front, the words that had taken her breath away the first time she saw them. And every time after that, for that matter. She smiled, a genuine smile, as she realized she knew what she had to do.

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Castle sat at his desk in his study, staring at the bags that were packed and ready to go. He knew he was doing the right thing, but it certainly didn't make it any easier for him and doubts still hung over him like a dark cloud.

Ryan and Esposito had taken him out that night, trying to give him a proper send-off. Normally, he would have stayed out all night with the guys, partying and laughing and doing what they could to impress the women they'd talk to. None of that was enough to distract him from his thoughts tonight, so he had excused himself early, telling the guys he still had a lot of packing to do. He was pretty sure they could tell something was wrong, but they didn't press him for details, and he appreciated that.

As he sat now, alone in the dimly lit room, he couldn't free his mind from his thoughts. Was he running away, tail between his legs? Was he just trying to convince himself that he was doing what was best for Kate because he was scared of not being able to be the guy she wanted and needed? Or was he just bothered by the fact that doing the right thing meant stepping back and letting her be happy with someone else, instead of staying and fighting for her? That maybe he had to admit that Tom might be better for her than he ever could be?

Whatever the reason, Castle knew it would be a long summer away from her. He always knew that she was someone special, right from the first time he met her, and maybe he always knew that she was everything he could ever want. But he hadn't realized how strong his feelings for her were until recently. He silently wished he had come to see that sooner, before Tom came into the picture. But he couldn't change that now. All he could do was walk away and clear his head and hope that things would sort themselves out when he returned. Still, he felt a stinging pain in his chest at the thought that he hadn't even been able to bring himself to say goodbye to her.

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Beckett reached out for her phone, picking it up slowly from her desk. She dialled a familiar number. "Hey, it's me… Sorry to call so late, but I was just wondering if you were free for lunch tomorrow… Great, I'll see you then… Goodnight."

She hung up and took in a deep breath. Was she crazy for doing this? Or was she doing the right thing? Deep down, she was sure she was. Still, she suddenly realized how nervous she was about what she knew she had to do tomorrow.


	11. TAKING CHANCES

**NOTE: I know there's a lapse in time here and it probably seems like I skipped a chapter, but I wrote it this way intentionally… LOL… just as the show editors cut out scenes for the interest of time, I did the same here. I hope you still like it!**

CHAPTER ELEVEN – TAKING CHANCES

Beckett finished tidying up her apartment and straightened her outfit. She cleared off a space on her kitchen counter for the dinner that was on its way. Just as she finished, she heard a knock at her door. She rushed over to open it, taking a deep breath before she let her guest in.

"Hey girl, you wanna give me a hand with this food?" Lanie asked as she handed her friend a few of the Chinese food containers she had been struggling to carry.

Beckett brought the containers over to the kitchen counter and set them down. "Thanks for coming, Lanie, I just really needed a friend right now."

Lanie put the rest of the containers down on the counter and looked around as she replied, "Anytime, Kate, anytime. Plus, I haven't seen your new place yet." She examined her surroundings a little more before continuing, "It's nice, really, much better than your last apartment."

Kate laughed, "Yeah, and it's a little less charred too."

The two women portioned the contents of the Chinese food containers onto their plates and headed into the living room to sit down.

"So what happened this afternoon, Kate? Your big lunch date… how'd he take the news?" Lanie didn't waste any time pressing her friend for details.

Beckett raised an eyebrow as she replied, "Actually, he took it pretty well. It was almost like he knew what I was going to say before I even said it."

"Well, girl, it was obvious to everybody _but_ you… and Castle…" Lanie started. "I'm not surprised that Demming could see it too."

Beckett replied sarcastically, "Thanks, Lanie, that's ever so helpful."

"Look, Kate, it sucks that you had to break things off with Tom, but you know it had to be done." Lanie responded. "So what are you going to do about Castle?"

Beckett's brow furrowed, not knowing the answer to that question. "I really don't know…" she trailed off, thinking, before she continued. "All I knew is that I couldn't keep pretending with Tom when I was having these feelings about Castle."

"So what's stopping you from telling writer-boy how you feel?" Lanie asked.

"It's complicated." Beckett said, knowing it was a pretty thin argument.

Lanie raised her eyebrow and questioned her friend further, "Isn't it _always_ complicated, girl? That's no reason to stand by and do nothing."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way? If I said something to him about it and he didn't feel the same way, it would ruin our friendship and our partnership." Kate stated.

Lanie chuckled. "Come on, Kate, you know he has it bad for you too. We've all seen it, pretty much from day one. And how many people need to drill that into your head before you believe it?"

"Even if he has feelings for me, it doesn't mean it's enough." Beckett studied the look of confusion on her friend's face, knowing she'd have to explain that further. "He's been divorced twice, he chases just about every woman he meets and then moves on just as fast, and he prides himself on being a ladies' man. What makes you think he's even capable of being in a committed relationship?"

Lanie grinned, "Did you ever consider that maybe the divorces weren't _his_ fault? Or that the baggage he gained from those failed relationships are what motivated him into a string of meaningless one-night stands?" Lanie could tell that her friend was considering what she was saying, so she continued. "You don't think people can change? Well, girl, I hate to tell you this, but _you've _changed. The person you were ten years ago is nothing like the person you are now. And even this past year and a half since you've known Castle; you let yourself have more fun, even at work, you've learned to work with someone else and to trust someone else with your life. Now all you have to do is trust him with your heart too."

Beckett knew her friend made a good point, but she still held back. "He's the type of guy that breaks hearts, Lanie. Have you ever known him not to just get what he wants and walk away from a woman?"

Lanie smirked at Kate's stubbornness. "Maybe not. But it only has to happen once…" she started as she judged Beckett's reaction. Whatever she was saying, it did seem to be making a difference. She had one last card up her sleeve, though. "Deep down, Kate, you know how great it could be between you two. I know you're scared, but don't you owe it to yourself to find out if he could be everything you've ever wanted?"

Kate had run out of excuses, and she knew Lanie was right. "It doesn't matter anyways, Lanie. It's too late, he's leaving tonight and he'll be gone all summer. A lot can change in that amount of time…" she trailed off.

"Well, maybe he wouldn't be leaving if he knew how you felt, girl. Maybe knowing you feel this way would be enough to make him stay." She started, seeing Kate's eyes light up at the thought. "And even if he can't stay, at least you'd both know where you stand. You can still talk to each other all summer and then you can move forward when he gets back, if that's what you two decide to do."

Beckett looked at her best friend, smiling at the thought.

"It's only six o'clock, Kate," Lanie suggested, "You still have time…"

Beckett hugged Lanie and grabbed her bag. "Thanks, Lanie. You know you're the best, right?"

Lanie laughed. "Of course! And don't you forget it! Now go on, girl, go get your guy."

Kate opened the door and took a deep breath.

"Oh, and I want the details when you get home… whenever _that_ is, I mean…" Lanie winked at her friend as Kate smiled back at her.


	12. TO BE CONTINUED

CHAPTER TWELVE – TO BE CONTINUED….

Beckett stood outside of Castle's door and sucked in a huge breath. She couldn't believe she was here, ready to take probably the biggest leap of her life. The entire way here, she had considered what she would say or do when she saw him.

As she stood outside of his door, she felt the butterflies in her stomach and grinned. He had an incredible effect on her, and as much as she hated not being in total control, this was a feeling she didn't mind so much.

Kate summoned all of the courage she had in her and knocked on his door. Her grin spread into a glowing smile as she waited for him to open the door.

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Castle heard a knock at the door and jumped up to answer it. A smile spread across his face as he opened the door.

"Here's your room service order, Mr. Castle." The hotel bellhop greeted Rick. "And may I say, I hope you enjoy your time here in England."

Castle moved out of the way to let the bellhop in, revealing his lavish hotel room.

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"Beckett?" Martha was surprised to see the detective when she opened the door to her son's apartment. "What brings you by, my dear?"

Kate smiled. "Hi, Martha. I was actually coming by to talk to Castle before he leaves on his trip. Is he not home yet?"

"Oh my," Martha started, realizing this was going to be awkward. "Richard and Alexis are already gone. I'm sorry, Kate, I know my son's not the best at goodbyes, but I can't believe he didn't stop by to see you on his way out..."

Beckett's smile faded and her brow furrowed out of confusion. "Gone? But he said his flight was at nine o'clock…"

"It was, my dear. Nine o'clock this morning…" Martha could tell by the look on her face that Kate was stunned by the news. "They should be settled in by now, though, so he'll be calling here soon. Did you want to come in and wait to talk to him, or can I give him a message for you?" Martha offered.

Beckett stood silent for a moment, not even sure herself what she would have said to him. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again, swallowing hard to keep the emotion out of her voice before she spoke. "Thank you, Martha, but that's okay. I'll just see him when he gets home."

Martha watched as Kate backed away slowly from the door.

"Goodnight, Martha, and have a nice summer."

"Thank you, and same to you, my dear."

Kate turned around and walked down the hallway, tears starting to form in her eyes. She stepped onto the elevator and exhaled deeply as the doors closed, hiding her behind them.

TO BE CONTINUED….

**I know it's not the happy ending that we would all love to see between Castle and Beckett, but I think our favourite couple still have a ways to go before they can really have a shot at getting (and staying) together. So I hope you enjoyed my take on this!**

**Thanks again for all of your reviews and to everyone who took the time to read this!! You are all so wonderful, and I feel so welcomed as a new fanfic writer!!**


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